Endings and Beginnings.

It's been quite some time.  I am quite sorry.

I've not really wrapped up my time in Scotland.  Frankly, I don't think there is a way to actually wrap up time away from your home in a country that steals your heart and then breaks it.

There is no easy way to explain my time and say what all God did in me and through me.  I wish I could sit down and explain my time for hours on end.  I believe that's the only way to adequately describe what happened.

Many of my stories are found here in previous posts.  Read what I've written.  That will bring you to this point, and paint some sort of a picture for you.

God broke my heart for the people I met.  I cannot tell you the great darkness the has flooded Europe.  So many churches that lie practically empty, with just as many people empty of the love of God.

Europe is a place that needs Jesus.

Just like me.  Just like you.

I have another home.

I have another family.  One I'll never forget, and one that I love deeply.

So many people are in desperate need for the love of Jesus.  My heart is torn apart for people who don't know this love.  Especially for the people of Scotland who stole my heart.

I'm so blessed to have had this opportunity.  God gave me such a beautiful adventure.

Thank you everyone who played some role in this chapter in my life.  You are many and I am truly thankful for each and every one of you.  God planned every step of this journey and without you it never would have been the same and it wouldn't have ever happened just like it did.

God has done marvelous mysterious things in me.  I can never thank Him enough for all He has done.

For now, I will continue walking and trusting in Him to make beautiful the hard things in my life.  I will trust in Him to reveal some new nugget of my life to me.  I will continue to listen for His voice as He guides me.

Right now, I will be a college student, searching for joy in the mundane and renewal in the never-ending homework--all the while waiting for new adventure.

The next adventure awaits.  God has even more beautiful, heart-breaking things ahead of me.  I cannot wait.

For all who might be curious to hear about my adventure in Scotland, this Sunday night at 6 P.M. at Covenant Presbyterian Church in LR I'll be sharing.

This will be a time to tell everyone about certain aspects of my church, share my heart, and Lord willing allow you all to see pictures from my trip.

Come if you feel led!

Today has been a day filled with a little bit of hurt.  The kind of hurt that sits in every corner of your heart, of your day even, and doesn't go away.  I'll be honest, this hurt for me pops up at random times throughout the year, for whatever reason.  But today was different, almost the climax of pain, or rather the concentration of that pain.

Two years ago, today, the world lost a woman who had an enormous impact on me, and on so many people all throughout Arkansas.  Indirectly, she has made an even bigger impact on the world through various people.

She had an incredible impact on my heart and my life.  I can honestly say Miss Mary changed me for the better.  Who I am today is largely dependent on her and her two daughters.

Today, I've sought to celebrate who she was and remember the many many things she taught me (they were vast).  Miss Mary taught me to love through her example.  She has been, by far, one of the most loving women I have ever had the privilege to know.  She taught me to love Jesus even more.  Through her teaching me about Jesus she showed me the importance and great responsibility we as Christians have to love the world.

Learning to love the world, was all her doing.  I am so incredibly thankful for her.  My heart wouldn't desire half of what it does now if it wasn't for her.  My heart wouldn't ache quite so much for the broken, hurting, and lost of the world if I hadn't first seen the beautiful model of loving Jesus and what that really looks like as I did with her.

I've never been quite so encouraged to follow my heart and dream.  This beautiful, sweet woman gave my dreams a kick-start.  She made me realize that everything I wanted to do, I could if God gave those dreams flight.

I dearly miss Miss Mary.  My heart aches at the loss, and I look forward to glory when parting is no more and reunion is sweet.

Fighting for Joy

There's something about waking up in the morning without feeling any joy, and knowing you have to move forward in your day through school and work.  It's really difficult.  Days like this I sincerely want to just stay in bed and let the day go buy.

But instead I make it a priority to fight for joy.

Fighting for joy is so much more difficult than what you might realize.  It's not say, "I will be joyful" or "I will have joy," but rather it's running to God and committing my day, my every moment, my joy, to Him.  Today in the little bit of quite time I mustered this morning, I cried out asking for that. I asked for joy.  In the midst of asking God to give me joy, I realized it's not that I need joy, because joy is already in my heart.  God's placed joy in each of our hearts, we are just responsible for living that joy out and making it ours.

In the midst of that moment, I realized I should be praying a little differently.  It then turned into committing my entire day and everything within it to Him, and then asking that He help me be joyful through the entire day and in every moment.  I have so much to have joy for.  So many things to be thankful for.  I want to run after joy.  I want to be joyful in all of my life.

In honor of fighting for joy, today I'm wearing yellow.  A color full of joy.

Fight for joy in your life.

Love Heals

I've been home for 20 days.  It feels like ages ago I was curled up with a cup of tea in Scotland chatting with some of my favorite people in the world.

...time passing...

The time I spent in Scotland was genuinely one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life.  I can't even begin to say anything compared to it.  Nothing will ever really compare to that time unless I go back to the same place--which I do want to do someday.

Let me explain something to you.  This heart in my chest had developed a distaste towards the churches in the States.  Not necessarily just my home church, but also the churches spread across the States.  This distaste was a result of incredibly judgmental eyes picking apart thing after thing.  It's quite difficult to express that thought.  It's sin that's been festering within me.

God tore that down.  He ripped it apart and showed me how foolish and stupid I was for even crossing that line and picking at the church, saying "Oh, you aren't doing this, this, or this.  The true church should be doing all of these things, as we're commanded in the Bible."  What was I doing by doing that?  I quickly realized this summer that I was burying my own sin.  Rather than looking at what I have done, the ways in which I've been sinning (recognizing my own sin), I've been instead looking at the sin around me.  I've been doing that very thing for years.

Churches across the world struggle with so many things.  Each with it's own set of problems, each not always realizing their faults (which all of us do).  No church is perfect.  NONE.  I cannot even begin to tell you how hard that hit me this summer.  Nothing in-particular gave me a vision for that.  That lesson was purely a lesson God had chosen for me to learn this summer.

...time healing...

I believe God allowed me to be in the midst of so many loving people this summer for a reason.  He knew I was needing to be around people to really love me and care for me in the simplest of ways, and then in the largest of ways.  That love healed my heart.  Over.  And over.  And over. 

...love heals...

Broken

Sitting in my favorite spot of the house, listening to the buzz of the TV in the background, and the noises of my mom in the kitchen.

I am home.

All of those are things that I've missed.  Although now, I'm different, from the seemingly insignificant--I'm sitting drinking tea--to the significant changes of my mindset and heart.

I'm enjoying being home, and please don't think I'm not enjoying it.  It feels so good to be back in the arms of family and dear friends.  But the thing is, my heart's been broken.  God broke my heart this summer through people.  When I left Scotland, I left a big chunk of my heart there.  I miss life there.  I miss food.  I miss tea there.  I miss church.  I miss community.

But, I know this is only the start.  The beginnings of a more broken heart.  God's going to continue to doing big things in my life and even now I'm excited.

This is by far not the last of my posts.  I know there are a couple more just itching to come right up and out.  Those will be about things that I'm processing.  Whereas right now, I'm just content to sit communicate to you the ache of my heart.

That being said, I am thankful for where God has be right now.  There are so many things I know He's going to teach me in the next year of my life.  God has me right where He wants me.

God is good all the time.  And all the time, God is good.

Dying to Self

Back in the States.

I'm struggling to actually remember that this is really happening.  I'm actually home.  Coming back seems like a dream that shouldn't actually be real, but really it is.  Being in Scotland was wonderful, and given a chance I would've stayed even longer.  Given the chance in the future, I'd go back in a heartbeat.  I have no reason to not go back.

For now, I'm at debrief in Atlanta, Georgia until Thursday in late in the evening.  Crazy.  I've dreaded debrief.  When I say dreaded, I mean to the most intense degree of dread.  But, like I genuinely hoped I would be, I was pleasantly surprised by debrief.  I have enjoyed being with people who are all dealing with similar things, and that's huge for me right now.

I'm realizing right now that I don't want to really talk through everything until I've processed it.  Now...if that's really what I was going to do it'd probably be a really long time until I would actually talk about it.  I also came to the realization that not wanting to talk about it is an incredibly selfish thing to do.  The more I've figured that out the more I have honestly wanted to be able to talk about it.  Dying to self just a bit more I guess.

Memories

Portree, Scotland

Scotland is beautiful.  Absolutely one of the most gorgeous places I have ever seen.  I have been so blessed to have been here and see the beauty of the Highlands of Scotland.  

The picture above is from us coming home to Kyle of Lochalsh after a day in Portree.  Portree is about an hour away from Kyle by bus.  It had been raining off and on all day and was quite misty...pretty typical of a rainy day here.  It looks fairly dreary, but there is something especially breathtaking about the place. 

 Achmore, Scotland

If you notice, it's quite green in the picture above.  Something that's been incredible here has been the lack of rain this region has received.  Time and again we interns have been told that we've had beautiful weather since we've been here.  Apparently we really have.  There is almost a lack of water because of so little rain this summer, AND it's been warmer than normal (not that it's 100 degrees here or anything...more like high 50s low 60s).  

This week is a very unusual week.  On Sunday, the interns said good-bye to our mentor family the Games.  As you can imagine, it was a really sad and tearful day, not only for us and them, but also for the church.  This week we've gone about life without them, which seems incredible foreign.  We're all missing them.  Two of my fellow interns went to a couple different places, and the three of us remaining went to Portree for a day trip.  We have all enjoyed and loved getting to see new places, but have found that we love Kyle so much.  

Today, Wednesday, we say good-bye formally to the everyone in the church.  Our Pastor here has managed to cook-up something for us...none of us know what to expect, but I can imagine it's going to be wonderful.  It's so sad to think of leaving all of these beautiful people after getting to know them and forming relationships with quite a few of them.  A part of me doesn't want to leave and say good-bye, even knowing I have so much I'm going back to...but I think I'm ready.  I kind of have to be ready, actually.  All of the tears and sadness will come and pass eventually, but I have so many wonderful memories of so many people and so many wonderful reminders of them for now.  Eternity is such a reality, for which I am thanking and praising God.

My Family: The Games Family and the Five Interns

Breathe Air

I'm breathing here.  That's pretty good considering my nose is all stuffed up...again.

But really, I am breathing.  I'm dreading next week.  Saying good-bye is never easy and for me it's especially difficult.  I keep praying for grace and mercy through this time.  Grace for myself and grace for the people we'll be leaving and saying good-bye to.

I've realized that there's a chance that with some or even all of these people I may never see them again until eternity.  That's a terribly difficult thing for me to wrap my mind around.  I want to be able to say I'll see them again soon, but the reality of it all can be daunting.  On the other hand, all of the difficulty of it makes eternity more of a reality.  I hope that makes sense.  I know there will come a day when I'll see all of these people again and that day might not be until eternity.  There's something beautiful about that.  It makes me realize that eternity is actually going to happen.  I will see these people.  What a beautiful hope God's given us in the times of difficulty!

I don't want to lessen the fact that it's going to happen or that it will be no big deal.  Because it's still hard.  But there is another glimmer of hope and it's beautiful.

That brings me to another thought.  Hope is beautiful.  I've come to see that more and more in the time I've spent here, in my own life and in the lives of the people here.  We have a hope that is put in Christ and it's incredible.  It's meaningful and it is not for nothing.  I'm convinced more and more that my faith and hope in Christ is not in vain.

That's powerful.

I want people to know this hope.  I want to see people here in Lochalsh, Scotland changed.  I want to see their lives changed and shaped into incredible things by God.  I want that to be a reality.  My heart's calling out...screaming inside of me for that to happen.  I want to see it happen, I want to be apart of it.

There are incredible things that have been done and many many things to do.

Right now, I just need to breathe...and continue pressing on in the grace and strength of God.

Live Life

I jumped off a small cliff.  It’s a little below 60 degrees here and I jumped into a freezing pool of water maybe 30 feet below me.  This was a once in a lifetime opportunity I didn’t want to miss out on. 

Kind of like my time here in Scotland.  I may never have the chance to do this again (I truly hope that I can come back here).  All of me is just screaming don’t take anything for granted and regret absolutely nothing.  I don’t want to look back on this time, or really my life in general, and think “why didn’t do that?” or “I should’ve done that better, or given it my all.” Etc. 

I want to live my life to the fullest.  I want to be all I can be in the remainder of my time here.  I want to regret nothing.  I want to love my teammates better.  I want to love my mentor family better.  I want to love the people here better.  I want to be bold with the words that I say, I want to proclaim the gospel and hold nothing back.  I don’t want to blow off the time here.  I want to take advantage of what time I have left here. 

It would kill me too look back and think, “Why didn’t I do x, y, or z?” or “Why did I do the selfish things I did?”  All of this has made me think more about my life.  I don’t want to hold anything back.  I want do all I can do, see all I can see, I want to take advantage of good thing God throws my way.  I want to really live.  God has given us so much freedom in our lives; freedom to jump off a cliff into freezing cold water. 

 We have the chance to jump into icy dark waters regularly.  I’m not advocating stupidity, but rather saying do something different.  Be exciting!  I don’t know about you, but the people who do “crazy” things are the people I have a tendency to adore.  I want to be like those people.  I want to live like life is just a breath, and see and do whatever I can—look at the amazing creation God made!  Who wouldn’t want to live life when you look at it all from that perspective?  God has blessed us so richly.  If you have the chance to do something incredible, do it.  Live life. 

I’m convinced of this more and more as I’m living and as I’m reading God’s Word.  We have much to be thankful for and much to do.

Biscuits

I’m sitting at home…by myself.  That’s quite a phenomenon considering I’ve been surrounded by my teammates constantly since I left home about 7 weeks ago.  I’ve realized that I dearly love the people I came to Scotland with.  Granted, the girls are all living together and my dear brother lives just a bit down the road, I love all of them dearly.  Today, I sat and thought about all of that. 

Wednesday through Friday I am living alone, while my dear friends are in another place working at another week of Holiday Club (VBS).  Those same days I have my dear brother and friend working alongside me, doing Door-to-Door ministry, working in the Open Door Café, and being in the community. 

Door-to-Door has been very difficult.  Even in the difficulty of it, I’ve been very blessed to have the opportunity to go with the Pastor here, and see his view of how it should be done which actually is incredible because it’s almost so easy…but yet it is so difficult.  We’re inviting people to a barbecue and then asking people simple questions about their views of the church here, about Christians, about religion, etc.  Really, that’s so simple.  But to go up and talk to someone at their house and ask those questions is incredibly difficult, and it terrifies me.  There is something beautiful about it.  I am excited to see what the next several times of going Door-to-Door will bring. 

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Wednesday evening rather than having a prayer meeting, the church had a night similar to our small group evenings back home.  We had tea and biscuits*, prayed, discussed the church and Christians in the world, and talking about Mark 2:13-17.  It was wonderful.  I loved sitting and listening to people toss around ideas about what living out our faith looks like.  Not only that, but also looking at what it really looks like to love people and love people who aren’t Christians.  My mentor led the discussion tonight.  Something that he has said earlier in our time here has been extremely convicting for me, and I hope that it burdens you just a bit.  We’ve all heard the phrase “Christians are to be in the world, not of the world.”  My mentor wants to tack on this phrase to the end, “Christians are to be in the world, not of the world, but be for the world.” 

Be for the world.  Am I really for the world?  Do I desire to see the world changed?  Do I really want the people who are all around me, who I pass in the street to know God and be saved?  Honestly, sometimes I don’t even give it a second thought.  Other times I think how can they even make that jump?  I don’t actually love people nearly as much as I should.  If I actually loved people with the love that Christ has for us, and that we are supposed to have for other people, I would care and love people down to the core.  Down to the soul.  That being said, I would care about the people of the world, and I would be for the world. 

I want to be that way.  I know people who are that way.  I want that in my heart and in my actions.   Sometimes I succeed at loving people, and all to often I fail at it.  Someday, as God works and changes me (sanctifies me) I’ll care so much more for the world and the souls of the people in the world.  I pray that that’s the case in my life.  I pray that God might stir your heart in that as well.

Prayer Request

1.           Pray for health amongst all of us.  A handful of us have been sick off and on throughout our time here, and that’s been quite stressful and difficult.  As we’re going into our last couple of weeks here we want to be healthy.

2.          Pray for the Door-to-Door ministry in the days to come; for good conversations, for boldness as is needed, and for seeds to be planted or watered.

3.          Pray for the remainder of our time here.  We, as a team, love this place.  We love the people here.  Please pray for us to be wise with the remainder of our time here, to love the people here with every ounce of our being and to really be in this place.

*Biscuits:  here, biscuits are not biscuits as we think of them.  We think of biscuits as being doughy and having jam or gravy on them.  When I say we have biscuits with our tea, what I’m actually saying is that we are having cookies, cake, scones, etc. with our tea.

Full Circle

We're half-way through being in Scotland.  I'm half-way through this time here.  Is that even possible?  It feels like just yesterday I got here!  Time has flown by, but in a wonderful way.

I've enjoyed my time here thus far.  This place is beautiful.  The people are beautiful.  I love it.  My heart has been snatched away by Scotland.

A handful of things I've learned from being here:  I've learned that there is such a thing as over-doing it, and that I am guilty of running myself ragged most of the time.  I've learned that relational ministry is exhausting, but is one of the best ways of loving people with Christ's love.  I've learned that I am not nearly as open and readable as I think I am, which has proven to be an on-going work in my heart as I'm living with three other people who as a whole genuinely want to know what's going on so they can take care of me.  I've been convicted of my selfishness.  I've learned to confess more and more.  I have found out how important it is to have hard conversations; sometimes people need to have difficult conversations to work through things, and sometimes it's God's way of using us to plant seeds.  I have been taught that it isn't always us who does the actual bringing someone to faith, so often God uses us to plant seeds, water seeds, etc. (the story of Paul and Apollos).

So often I forget that last point.  I forget that we aren't responsible for anything that happens.  We are merely a tool that God uses in someone's life.  I've been blessed to be reminded of that multiple times throughout my time here mostly from one of my dear teammates.  I was encouraged by my teammate as they gave their testimony, and brought that illustration into their testimony.  If people hadn't taken the time or effort to have conversations about God with my teammate where would they be?  Granted, God would have brought them to faith in some form or fashion, but imagine that with me.  If we are so scared of people and aren't bold in the words we speak, how can we plant or water a seed?

All of these things aren't nearly all that God's done in my heart, but rather several of them.

I'm amazed at the work God's continuing to do in my heart, and in the hearts of my teammates.  God's breaking each of us down and teaching us so many things.  It's brilliant to see all that He's doing.  It's amazing to see all He's done.  We're all being changed and molded, and our hearts are being broken piece by piece.  

What am I thankful for right now?  Right this moment, I'm thankful for thunder and rain (first thunderstorm since I've been here, it's reminding me of home); a blanket to keep me warm as I am very very cold and under the weather a bit; internet to be able to communicate with home; Holiday Club (VBS) this week and all the joys and trials that accompany it; Jackie, who has been an incredible mom to me, and has loved on me tremendously this week; and the people who tirelessly give us food.

The people here are wonderful.  I never cease to be amazed with anyone in their kindness to us.  There is something different about so many here.

People have been incredible generous to us, and that's been amazing to me.  I see generosity at home, but not in the way I have here.  I'm encouraged and challenged by that.  It's beautiful to know that people around the world are doing more than what we are at home.  Simultaneously, it's sad to look on and see the brokenness, the sin, of us.  I know that more can be accomplished.  I know God can do more.  I know that Heaven can be brought a little bit closer to this earth.  I want to see that happen.  At home, across the world, and  in my own heart, not just now but as my life continues.

I want to see the hearts of people change, mine included.  I am the least among so many.  We all desperately need the blood of Christ.  We need to be covered and made whole.  I am broken.  You are broken.  Only because of the work of Christ's death on the cross can we even begin to be made whole. Without that blood, we are dead in our sin and subject to all the justice of God.  Praise God for His Son!  Praise God for the Lamb who was slain!

Coming full circle.  You're seeing a lot of my thought process after reading that.  My mind is a bit of a mess and needs tidying up.  That's really where I'm at though.  These are the things on my mind and heart, and what's going on now.

This is what's real.

Prayer Requests:

    Please pray for deep rest for me and my team.  We're exhausted.  (You've probably sensed a trend amongst the prayer requests...we are tired)

    Continue to lift us up as we work to further the Gospel.  Pray for boldness as we speak to people.

Holiday Club

Life is going on as it has been for the last bit of time.  This week we have embarked on "Holiday Club," also known to you as VBS.  So far, it has gone quite well.  The kids love these times and we are loving being apart of the Holiday Club.  

I've been apart of the "Drama" (Skit) along with several other members of my team.  Oh how we just embarrass ourselves daily.  The laughter from the kids is so rewarding, and they absolutely love it.  

I've learned that these kids are coming from all over the close villages to be apart of this time.  A lot of the kids know each other from school.  Then there are a bunch who don't know anyone (like we would have at home).  But, they all come together and have fun; singing and learning about Jesus.  It is wonderful.  

That's the morning.

In the afternoons, we are running a teen club.  The teenagers here are coming over (to the same hall from the morning) for about 3 hours.  We have a huge game or two we'll play, then have a time for some snacks, and then a time for Bible Study.  It's a really wonderful time where the youth come for fellowship.  And it's not just Christian youth, there are some who are on the fence, and others who don't know where they stand with Christ. 

I'm so blessed to step back and see where we're all coming from (not just the youth, but the team as well), and then see what we're diving into and where we're going.  

God is working and moving in our hearts and in the hearts of others.  

Endings

Yesterday was the last day the team did an assembly at a Primary School.  School just got out today for their Summer (what they call "Holiday").  It's sad knowing we're not going back.  It has been a great time to come up with neat stories that kids will love and tie in something that is very applicable to their lives.  I know I'll miss those times.

The neat portion of yesterday was before our we did our little "skit" in front of the kids.  There was a man who came in and talked to the kids before us.  He was one of the Olympic torch runners for this year.  When the torch was taken through Scotland He was one of the people who was allowed to run it!  He brought the torch with him and allowed all the kids to look and touch it.  Then...he let the interns hold it!  I got to hold one of the Olympic torches. 

Once in a life-time opportunity?  Yep.  So cool!  I would have taken a picture with it, but didn't have a camera on me since we're not supposed to take pictures of the kids.  It was wonderful and I'm so thankful to have been able to experience it!

Unstoppable

On Sunday, the team went to a mass communion service in a town hall.  Congregations from all around came together for worship (there were probably about 200 people there).  The service was so refreshing and encouraging to me (I was feeling pretty lousy that day) and I was so needing to hear the sermon preached, and to be able to partake of the elements.  God really knew what I was needing that day.

Our mentor preached the sermon that night on the parable of the great banquet as found in Luke 14:12-24.  The sermon was great.  Two things stood out to me and convicted me.  

First, is the phrase "Be for the world." As Christians we're called to be in the world, but not of it.  Often-times we have this idea that if we're living differently in the world, then we're all good.  But the reality is, we should be fighting for the world.  Fighting for the truth of God to be the standard and for the world to believe in our Savior.  We aren't to be apathetic.  We are not to be unconcerned with the fate of the neighbor two doors down from us or for the young girl involved with sex-trafficking in Thailand.  We are called to care and to love.  I'm more convinced of that fact every single day.

The other point that was incredible to me was this:  God is unstoppable in chasing/coming after people. He wants us to be in His fold so badly that He throws His own Song out and allows Him to die so that we can enter in to His fold.  God chases after people.  He wants to love more and more people.  That is incredibly profound, and deserving of an immense amount of thought.  

Our God wants us.  

Refreshment

Inverness was a good thing for the team.  It definitely wasn't easy.  In fact, it was probably one of the more difficult times for us.  But it needed to happen.  We needed to have these certain things come to a culmination point so that we would actually be forced to sit down and talk through things.  It was good and healthy.  Not easy, but necessary.

The best portion of our holiday in Inverness was Wednesday afternoon.  The two other teams from Scotland met up with us for a couple hours.  "Woo...big deal," I'm sure many of you are thinking.  Really though, it was a big deal.  I needed that time.  The three other girls on my team needed that time.  The guy on our team desperately needed that time with the two guys from one of the other teams.

We needed refreshment.  Desperately.  The teams for the two other cites were all friends we had made at pre-field, which is why we were all so excited to see one another.  It was such a blessing to see familiar faces, who we genuinely love, and sit and talk for a while.  We didn't have to share our life story, or tell more and more about ourselves (which is a good thing, it's so important, and I'm so thankful for it, but it is exhausting).  We just sat and talked, like fairly normal people.  Blessing.

Refreshment.

A blessing from God at the perfect time.

Sick

We're in Inverness, Scotland.

It's a beautiful city, and I'm loving it.

Minus the fact that I'm sick.  And laying in a bed in a hostile.

I really am just wanting to be home (Lochalsh) and in my bed.

But, today we get to see the teams from the other two cites in Scotland and I couldn't be happier about that.  I am genuinely excited about this, for me, for my team, and for the other teams.  I know we're needing this time so badly, and I'm absolutely ecstatic about it.

Please be praying that I don't get much more sick and that I get better quickly, and that the rest of my team stays well.

It's All Relative

The team is currently on holiday.  We're in Inverness, Scotland.  The five of us are holed up in a Youth Hostel for the next couple nights (we'll be back in Lochalsh Wednesday night).  I'm loving it.  There's something about being in a totally new place and then staying in a place like this...and then being surrounded by new people from all around the world.  It's incredible.

This evening, we were out walking about, and then ended up sitting and talking to a man we had run into.  We met a man named James.  James is in his mid-twenties and is a father to a young girl outside of marriage.  We were able to sit and talk with him for a while and get to know him.  Eventually we began to talk about God.  We talked with him about his story, what he thought about God, heaven, etc. It was fascinating.  I'm quite amazed at the people here.  He doesn't believe in God.  He believes that people who live good lives will go to heaven.  James believes morality is all that matters.  Not only that, but also that morality is relative to the individual.

I'm finding that that is more and more the case here in the UK.  If I can venture a guess, I would say that it's becoming more and more the case around the world, and especially in the US.  I am grieved by that more and more.  This idea of relativism is so far from what is true.  There is a true standard and it is set by the Word.

Be in prayer for James.  Pray for more of the Gospel to be poured into his heart.  Pray for this place, and for the world, pray that truth would go forth and sink into the hearts of people here.


Prayer Requests

1.  Pray for rejuvenation for the team, and also for the family of our mentor.  We're all quite exhausted and needing time to be in rest.

2.  Continue to pray for the team.  We're all growing more comfortable with one another, and the exterior of "always being in a good mood" is gone.  We're at the point where we're starting to see what makes each of us tick.  Things can get ugly.  Pray for us to remain united and then on top of that to deal with everything head on.

3.  Pray for James.

4.  Pray for us to remain rooted and grounded in the Word.

The Tiny Service

After our normal morning church service in Lochalsh, the team made our way out to a very small town for an afternoon service.  I went into this particular service knowing that there would be about as many of us as there would be of the "congregation."  That proved to be absolutely true.  

Six of us Americans were there (me, our mentor, and my teammates) along with the pastor of the church in Lochalsh and an elder of the church.  There were, I believe, six people who attended from that town.  Six.  

This was by far the smallest church service I have ever been too.  I'm still soaking in all of the service.  That being said, I think it was one of the more beautiful moments of my time here.  Fellowship with the people was very slim, the people were extremely quiet and left almost right after the service.  But, church can be as small as twelve or thirteen.  It can be smaller.  It can be larger.  The number of people determines very little.  These people were there for their monthly church service and it didn't matter that it only happened once a month, or that there were hardly any people there.  They just wanted to commune with God, and to be refreshed by the Word.  

One moment that brought me to reality was in the midst of singing a Psalm.  I paused to breathe, and instead waited, and just listened.  There was singing, and glorifying God.  It was beautiful.  

No matter how small or large, God will meet with His people wherever they may be.  Praise be for that!

Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there, and especially to my Dad!  He's the best, and I love him dearly. 

Dance Wherever You May Be

I've been fighting for joy the last several days.  For whatever reason, I was struggling.  I was struggling with team members, circumstances, and life in general.  I've been burying myself in the word, and praying constantly.  Asking God to lift this vail from all around me, really just asking God to return my joy to me.  

Nothing happened.  Walking through day to day activities became harder and harder, being around people who are my new family was difficult.  I was in a place of being broken and crying out to God asking Him to fix this pain; and then I realized I wasn't really trusting that God would or could actually fix this brokenness.  I'm not trusting.  I'm failing to remember that God is holding all things in the palm of his hands.  He knows the past, present, and future.  And.  He takes care of all things.  He will take care of me.  My God knows what I'm going through, He knows why I'm experiencing it, and He knows what will happen in the end.  In fact, God has orchestrated all of this for my benefit regardless of  how it hurts.  I'm reminded of how precious I am to Him:

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  But even the hairs of your head are all numbered.  Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. 

                       Matthew 10:29-31

Along with that scripture, amongst quite a few other passages, God reminded me of His sovereignty and preeminence yesterday in a primary school the team was at.  I was smacked in the face, almost in tears.  Our team had finished performing a skit of a Bible story (Jesus calming the sea) and were about to sing a song with the kids.  I'm going to be honest, the children's song for the day at first glance looked ridiculous and extremely silly.  I have no idea what the song is called, but these are parts of the lyrics:

(chorus)  Dance, dance, wherever you may be

               I am the Lord of the dance, said He

               And I lead you all, wherever you may be

               And I lead you all in the dance, said He.

               

               I danced on the Sabbath and I cured the lame

               The holy people said it was a shame

               They ripped, they stripped, they hung me high

               Left me there on the cross to die.

               Dance, dance, wherever you may be

               I am the Lord of the dance, said He

               And I lead you all, wherever you may be

               And I lead you all in the dance, said He.

               I danced on a Friday when the world turned black

               It's hard to dance with the devil on your back

               They buried my body, they thought I was gone

               But I am the dance, and the dance goes on.

               Dance, dance, wherever you may be

               I am the Lord of the dance, said He

               And I lead you all, wherever you may be

               And I lead you all in the dance, said He.

               They cut me down and I leapt up high

               I am the life that will never, never die

               I'll live in you if you'll live in me

               I am the Lord of the dance, said He.

I was almost in complete tears at the end of the song.  God completely reminded me of the Gospel in the song and reminded me of everything I needed to hear. 

God is taking care of me.  He's pouring into me through scripture and through other people.  He's loving me.  

Prayer Requests


1.  Please be praying for continued unity amongst our team.  Pray for us to bond more and more and become more of a family.  We're all getting along fairly well, but we are always in need of more prayer for this.

2.  Pray for humility.

3.  Pray for encounters with people.  Pray that we might meet people.  That's a big prayer right now.  We're meeting people in the church and building relationships with them, but we have yet to meet many  outside of the church and are desiring to know others better.  We're wanting to reach people.  Pray for people who do not know Christ who might be led into our paths.

4.  Pray that we might also be an encouragement to the people within the church.  The people here are absolutely wonderful.  Pray that we might be able to encourage them in their faith.

5.  Pray that we would radiate Christ, that His love and the hope we find in him would be evident to all who we encounter.

6.  Finally, pray that we might be finding encouragement in Christ.  Pray we seek Him in His word and in prayer.

Chasing After God

My heart's been heavy as of late.  Walking through a whirlwind of change in the last few weeks has caught up with me in the last couple days.  The ache of my heart crushed me last night and carried over to today.  

I am exhausted.  I need refreshing.  I need Jesus.  More and more every day.  The good news is that He wants me.  He is jealous for me.  God chases after me each and every day...

...and i fail to chase after Him...

...every day.

I fail to seek my refreshment in my Savior and in the Word on a daily basis.  Oh, I may read the Word, and I may be in prayer daily, but am I really going after Him?  Am I truly diving into the Word and really feeding my soul when I feel so empty and needy?  Not really.  I've learned lately that there is a fake exterior of people in the South especially in concealing the "bad" of life.  I know that happens everywhere, but in the time I've spent in Southern America, it happens a lot.  A.  Lot.  So many people put on this exterior to please everyone, and they aren't genuine.  Not just in everyday life, but even in the Church.  There is an exterior of "Everything's okay; I'm not going through anything difficult right now; I'm not struggling."  As much as I hate to admit it, I'm guilty of that.  I'm guilty of not letting in my brothers and sisters in Christ, into my life and actually being honest with them.  That has to stop.  That wall has to be torn down.  

We are supposed to live in community with one another.  How can we do that when we can't even be honest with each other?  Through Christ we can.  Only by His grace can we tear down pride and formality, and really be honest with each other.  I need to pray that for myself as much as it needs to be prayed by other people. 

I want to chase after God.  I want to chase after God with the community of believer's He has surrounded me with.  That is my desire.  That is my prayer.

 

Perfection in Weakness

The last few days have been very busy and draining (both physically and emotionally) days, but I've been blessed through them.  The last few days have looked like a Prayer Meeting Wednesday night; a School Assembly Thursday morning and visits to church members Thursday afternoon; and then Friday involved us helping out at a cafe, along with lots and lots of walking, celebrating a birthday, finally ending out day with time at a "Ceilidh."  It's exhausting just looking at all of that!

I want to specifically highlight Thursday and Friday.

Thursday we went and visited with a couple different people in the church.  Our team split into 2 groups, my group was of 3 of us and the other group was of 2.  Each group went and visited 2 sets of people.  That afternoon, my group went and visited an elderly couple and then a widow.  What an encouragement this time was.  It was such a blessing being welcomed into their homes, offered tea and biscuits, and being engaged in conversation.  I learned a lot about the people we visited and in turn, I know they learned quite a bit about us.  

Thursday was lovely.

Friday.  Open Door Cafe was in the morning for about 4 hours.  People in the community will come in and will buy some food that is made on the spot, along with tea or maybe some coffee, and then will sit and chat with others from the community.  Everyone knows about it, and loves to be there.  Our team, along with a good deal of our mentor's family went on Thursday to help out.  That translates too, about half the team sitting with people, chatting with them and getting know them.  The other half of the team will work in the kitchen.  Some served soup, others served plates of food coming straight from the kitchen, someone would help with dishes, a couple others helped by taking orders and money, and one of us helped directly in the kitchen making the food.  I helped in the kitchen this week.  I was making food alongside the lady who usually does all the food.  It was busy.  Friday was one of their busier days as a result of several other factors (people had come from all over to sell things, and the community knew about it, and in turn flocked to the cafe).  I was exhausted after that was over.  My feet were tired, my body was tired.  

In the midst of being exhausted and coming back to the flat and face-planting on the couch, my heart was happy.  Serving in that capacity (handling food for people) brings me quite a bit of joy.  If you ask me to explain that to you, I would probably fail, but for now, I'm going to give it a shot and see what comes of it.  I enjoy preparing/serving people food because of the bit of joy it brings people then brings me upon seeing that joy.  I enjoy working with my hands in that capacity.  I enjoy creating something delicious with my hands and watching someone partake and enjoy.  There is something about creating something and seeing it's goodness being put to good use (that makes me think of God right after finishing the Creation).  

We celebrated a birthday on the team Friday night as well.  Such fun!  Us four girls, went out for Indian food in celebration.  The birthday girl hadn't tried Indian before, and wanted to give it a shot!  She loved it!  Apparently, here in Scotland, Indian food is a big deal.  People LOVE curry.  You won't hear me complain.  I love curry.  

After curry, we loaded up and went to a Ceilidh (that is a Gaelic term, which you pronounce like you would the name "Kaylee" or however you might spell the name).  A Ceilidh is a dance.  At the particular one we went to, several children would sing, or play an instrument in between dances.  It was so interesting.  Children would sing in Gaelic or would play a harp, or some other instruments.  The children here who are musical are incredibly talented.  I am amazed at the number of instruments they can play and their level of skill.  Then would come the dancing.  At the hall we were in, there was a group of musicians who all played together (fiddles, pipes, guitars, accordions, bass).  One of the members of the group would stand and explain a dance and then people would get up and start dancing while they played.  It was so neat.  Yes, I did participate, but please don't ask me to explain...I will definitely forget it all once I come home. 

Submersion in culture.  It was beautiful.  I loved seeing the people's love for their heritage.  Not only that, but these beautiful people were so welcoming to us.  They accepted us in and wanted us to participate in what they did.  It was wonderful to be apart of and to see take place. 

This week has been exhausting and draining, but beautiful and incredibly encouraging.  As I've been exhausted, drained, and feeling ever so weak,  2 Corinthians 12:9-10 came up in my devotionals, and has been so encouraging to me:

               

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong.  

               

In these times when I am weak and feeling inadequate, I'm constantly having to remind myself that even when I am in this place of exhaustion God can work wonders.  He can work through me no matter what, no matter what the situation is, and because of that I can rest in Him and know He is all powerful.