Chasing After God

My heart's been heavy as of late.  Walking through a whirlwind of change in the last few weeks has caught up with me in the last couple days.  The ache of my heart crushed me last night and carried over to today.  

I am exhausted.  I need refreshing.  I need Jesus.  More and more every day.  The good news is that He wants me.  He is jealous for me.  God chases after me each and every day...

...and i fail to chase after Him...

...every day.

I fail to seek my refreshment in my Savior and in the Word on a daily basis.  Oh, I may read the Word, and I may be in prayer daily, but am I really going after Him?  Am I truly diving into the Word and really feeding my soul when I feel so empty and needy?  Not really.  I've learned lately that there is a fake exterior of people in the South especially in concealing the "bad" of life.  I know that happens everywhere, but in the time I've spent in Southern America, it happens a lot.  A.  Lot.  So many people put on this exterior to please everyone, and they aren't genuine.  Not just in everyday life, but even in the Church.  There is an exterior of "Everything's okay; I'm not going through anything difficult right now; I'm not struggling."  As much as I hate to admit it, I'm guilty of that.  I'm guilty of not letting in my brothers and sisters in Christ, into my life and actually being honest with them.  That has to stop.  That wall has to be torn down.  

We are supposed to live in community with one another.  How can we do that when we can't even be honest with each other?  Through Christ we can.  Only by His grace can we tear down pride and formality, and really be honest with each other.  I need to pray that for myself as much as it needs to be prayed by other people. 

I want to chase after God.  I want to chase after God with the community of believer's He has surrounded me with.  That is my desire.  That is my prayer.