We're half-way through being in Scotland. I'm half-way through this time here. Is that even possible? It feels like just yesterday I got here! Time has flown by, but in a wonderful way.
I've enjoyed my time here thus far. This place is beautiful. The people are beautiful. I love it. My heart has been snatched away by Scotland.
A handful of things I've learned from being here: I've learned that there is such a thing as over-doing it, and that I am guilty of running myself ragged most of the time. I've learned that relational ministry is exhausting, but is one of the best ways of loving people with Christ's love. I've learned that I am not nearly as open and readable as I think I am, which has proven to be an on-going work in my heart as I'm living with three other people who as a whole genuinely want to know what's going on so they can take care of me. I've been convicted of my selfishness. I've learned to confess more and more. I have found out how important it is to have hard conversations; sometimes people need to have difficult conversations to work through things, and sometimes it's God's way of using us to plant seeds. I have been taught that it isn't always us who does the actual bringing someone to faith, so often God uses us to plant seeds, water seeds, etc. (the story of Paul and Apollos).
So often I forget that last point. I forget that we aren't responsible for anything that happens. We are merely a tool that God uses in someone's life. I've been blessed to be reminded of that multiple times throughout my time here mostly from one of my dear teammates. I was encouraged by my teammate as they gave their testimony, and brought that illustration into their testimony. If people hadn't taken the time or effort to have conversations about God with my teammate where would they be? Granted, God would have brought them to faith in some form or fashion, but imagine that with me. If we are so scared of people and aren't bold in the words we speak, how can we plant or water a seed?
All of these things aren't nearly all that God's done in my heart, but rather several of them.
I'm amazed at the work God's continuing to do in my heart, and in the hearts of my teammates. God's breaking each of us down and teaching us so many things. It's brilliant to see all that He's doing. It's amazing to see all He's done. We're all being changed and molded, and our hearts are being broken piece by piece.
What am I thankful for right now? Right this moment, I'm thankful for thunder and rain (first thunderstorm since I've been here, it's reminding me of home); a blanket to keep me warm as I am very very cold and under the weather a bit; internet to be able to communicate with home; Holiday Club (VBS) this week and all the joys and trials that accompany it; Jackie, who has been an incredible mom to me, and has loved on me tremendously this week; and the people who tirelessly give us food.
The people here are wonderful. I never cease to be amazed with anyone in their kindness to us. There is something different about so many here.
People have been incredible generous to us, and that's been amazing to me. I see generosity at home, but not in the way I have here. I'm encouraged and challenged by that. It's beautiful to know that people around the world are doing more than what we are at home. Simultaneously, it's sad to look on and see the brokenness, the sin, of us. I know that more can be accomplished. I know God can do more. I know that Heaven can be brought a little bit closer to this earth. I want to see that happen. At home, across the world, and in my own heart, not just now but as my life continues.
I want to see the hearts of people change, mine included. I am the least among so many. We all desperately need the blood of Christ. We need to be covered and made whole. I am broken. You are broken. Only because of the work of Christ's death on the cross can we even begin to be made whole. Without that blood, we are dead in our sin and subject to all the justice of God. Praise God for His Son! Praise God for the Lamb who was slain!
Coming full circle. You're seeing a lot of my thought process after reading that. My mind is a bit of a mess and needs tidying up. That's really where I'm at though. These are the things on my mind and heart, and what's going on now.
This is what's real.
Prayer Requests:
Please pray for deep rest for me and my team. We're exhausted. (You've probably sensed a trend amongst the prayer requests...we are tired)
Continue to lift us up as we work to further the Gospel. Pray for boldness as we speak to people.
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