Dying to Self

Back in the States.

I'm struggling to actually remember that this is really happening.  I'm actually home.  Coming back seems like a dream that shouldn't actually be real, but really it is.  Being in Scotland was wonderful, and given a chance I would've stayed even longer.  Given the chance in the future, I'd go back in a heartbeat.  I have no reason to not go back.

For now, I'm at debrief in Atlanta, Georgia until Thursday in late in the evening.  Crazy.  I've dreaded debrief.  When I say dreaded, I mean to the most intense degree of dread.  But, like I genuinely hoped I would be, I was pleasantly surprised by debrief.  I have enjoyed being with people who are all dealing with similar things, and that's huge for me right now.

I'm realizing right now that I don't want to really talk through everything until I've processed it.  Now...if that's really what I was going to do it'd probably be a really long time until I would actually talk about it.  I also came to the realization that not wanting to talk about it is an incredibly selfish thing to do.  The more I've figured that out the more I have honestly wanted to be able to talk about it.  Dying to self just a bit more I guess.