There's something about waking up in the morning without feeling any joy, and knowing you have to move forward in your day through school and work. It's really difficult. Days like this I sincerely want to just stay in bed and let the day go buy.
But instead I make it a priority to fight for joy.
Fighting for joy is so much more difficult than what you might realize. It's not say, "I will be joyful" or "I will have joy," but rather it's running to God and committing my day, my every moment, my joy, to Him. Today in the little bit of quite time I mustered this morning, I cried out asking for that. I asked for joy. In the midst of asking God to give me joy, I realized it's not that I need joy, because joy is already in my heart. God's placed joy in each of our hearts, we are just responsible for living that joy out and making it ours.
In the midst of that moment, I realized I should be praying a little differently. It then turned into committing my entire day and everything within it to Him, and then asking that He help me be joyful through the entire day and in every moment. I have so much to have joy for. So many things to be thankful for. I want to run after joy. I want to be joyful in all of my life.
In honor of fighting for joy, today I'm wearing yellow. A color full of joy.
Fight for joy in your life.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Love Heals
I've been home for 20 days. It feels like ages ago I was curled up with a cup of tea in Scotland chatting with some of my favorite people in the world.
...time passing...
The time I spent in Scotland was genuinely one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life. I can't even begin to say anything compared to it. Nothing will ever really compare to that time unless I go back to the same place--which I do want to do someday.
Let me explain something to you. This heart in my chest had developed a distaste towards the churches in the States. Not necessarily just my home church, but also the churches spread across the States. This distaste was a result of incredibly judgmental eyes picking apart thing after thing. It's quite difficult to express that thought. It's sin that's been festering within me.
God tore that down. He ripped it apart and showed me how foolish and stupid I was for even crossing that line and picking at the church, saying "Oh, you aren't doing this, this, or this. The true church should be doing all of these things, as we're commanded in the Bible." What was I doing by doing that? I quickly realized this summer that I was burying my own sin. Rather than looking at what I have done, the ways in which I've been sinning (recognizing my own sin), I've been instead looking at the sin around me. I've been doing that very thing for years.
Churches across the world struggle with so many things. Each with it's own set of problems, each not always realizing their faults (which all of us do). No church is perfect. NONE. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard that hit me this summer. Nothing in-particular gave me a vision for that. That lesson was purely a lesson God had chosen for me to learn this summer.
...time healing...
I believe God allowed me to be in the midst of so many loving people this summer for a reason. He knew I was needing to be around people to really love me and care for me in the simplest of ways, and then in the largest of ways. That love healed my heart. Over. And over. And over.
...love heals...
...time passing...
The time I spent in Scotland was genuinely one of the most incredible experiences of my entire life. I can't even begin to say anything compared to it. Nothing will ever really compare to that time unless I go back to the same place--which I do want to do someday.
Let me explain something to you. This heart in my chest had developed a distaste towards the churches in the States. Not necessarily just my home church, but also the churches spread across the States. This distaste was a result of incredibly judgmental eyes picking apart thing after thing. It's quite difficult to express that thought. It's sin that's been festering within me.
God tore that down. He ripped it apart and showed me how foolish and stupid I was for even crossing that line and picking at the church, saying "Oh, you aren't doing this, this, or this. The true church should be doing all of these things, as we're commanded in the Bible." What was I doing by doing that? I quickly realized this summer that I was burying my own sin. Rather than looking at what I have done, the ways in which I've been sinning (recognizing my own sin), I've been instead looking at the sin around me. I've been doing that very thing for years.
Churches across the world struggle with so many things. Each with it's own set of problems, each not always realizing their faults (which all of us do). No church is perfect. NONE. I cannot even begin to tell you how hard that hit me this summer. Nothing in-particular gave me a vision for that. That lesson was purely a lesson God had chosen for me to learn this summer.
...time healing...
I believe God allowed me to be in the midst of so many loving people this summer for a reason. He knew I was needing to be around people to really love me and care for me in the simplest of ways, and then in the largest of ways. That love healed my heart. Over. And over. And over.
...love heals...
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Broken
Sitting in my favorite spot of the house, listening to the buzz of the TV in the background, and the noises of my mom in the kitchen.
All of those are things that I've missed. Although now, I'm different, from the seemingly insignificant--I'm sitting drinking tea--to the significant changes of my mindset and heart.
I'm enjoying being home, and please don't think I'm not enjoying it. It feels so good to be back in the arms of family and dear friends. But the thing is, my heart's been broken. God broke my heart this summer through people. When I left Scotland, I left a big chunk of my heart there. I miss life there. I miss food. I miss tea there. I miss church. I miss community.
But, I know this is only the start. The beginnings of a more broken heart. God's going to continue to doing big things in my life and even now I'm excited.
This is by far not the last of my posts. I know there are a couple more just itching to come right up and out. Those will be about things that I'm processing. Whereas right now, I'm just content to sit communicate to you the ache of my heart.
That being said, I am thankful for where God has be right now. There are so many things I know He's going to teach me in the next year of my life. God has me right where He wants me.
God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good.
I am home.
All of those are things that I've missed. Although now, I'm different, from the seemingly insignificant--I'm sitting drinking tea--to the significant changes of my mindset and heart.
I'm enjoying being home, and please don't think I'm not enjoying it. It feels so good to be back in the arms of family and dear friends. But the thing is, my heart's been broken. God broke my heart this summer through people. When I left Scotland, I left a big chunk of my heart there. I miss life there. I miss food. I miss tea there. I miss church. I miss community.
But, I know this is only the start. The beginnings of a more broken heart. God's going to continue to doing big things in my life and even now I'm excited.
This is by far not the last of my posts. I know there are a couple more just itching to come right up and out. Those will be about things that I'm processing. Whereas right now, I'm just content to sit communicate to you the ache of my heart.
That being said, I am thankful for where God has be right now. There are so many things I know He's going to teach me in the next year of my life. God has me right where He wants me.
God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good.
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